Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Mind Numbing


That's how I feel today. Kind of a vaccum like feeling. The mix of crying until the sleeping pills kicked in (Thank God for Tylenol PM) and having left over pill in my body makes me mentally not here. I have so many meetings today and the first two I just faked my way through them.

Gotta.Snap.Out.Of.This.

I prayed several prayers yesterday. Asked for a hardening of the heart. I don't want to love anymore. It's not worth it. No need for it. Better off without it. So I am asking for a hardening of the heart. Not physical, but no one gets in.

So numb is where I want to be right now. Until I don't care steps in, I just don't want to feel. If I drank, I would be drunk. If I was a dopehead, I would be high. Since I'm neither, I'll just stay numb.

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