Blogging again...

I've encouraged someone to blog and journalize their thoughts, but I have not done the same. It's time to begin again. Blogging is something I initially did to alleviate the frustration that had become my life during '03. It served as my personal stress reliever and pulled somethings out of me that I did not know was there. Who knew I would be a poet. However angry some of them had become, they were still words strung together that expressed my innermost thoughts and had a little rhyme here and there.

So now...Amir is 14 and Nuri's 10. I'm now over the mid-30's hump and have grown a lot. Ok well some maybe not as much as I should have but it's growing right? Jerome is completely out of the picture, although he calls to curse me out. I tried the be your friend thing, but that will never be enough. His personality has it so you must be all or nothing. So I'm nothing and fine with being just that.

As far as anyone else from the past that lingers, there's one that keeps popping up and refuses now to disappear. I have no idea about this, but it is what it is and there you have it. Stuck. Don't know if stuck is good or bad right now. Well today and yesterday and even this past week, stuck has been good. Stuck has a way of turing bad at any moment. Not that I'm calling the bad stuck into being, I'm must be honest with myself that it is what it is.

Boogie Down Bronx

Anger Poems are back

In light of our situations here at work. I wrote this to let off a little steam

Today’s corporate edict
Is to bend over and take that mean dick
In the ass..it’ll be over real quick
Then off you go with a swift kick
Cus it’s their world my thoughts don’t mean shit
It’ll mean a lot more when the shield is broke with this big brick
Upside your head I’ll go with my crazy swagger stick
Fuck you ass holes, high level trick and prick
Signed of angry corporate black chick

Reading Party

The spirits keep trying to give you a blessing...

Yesterday's gathering at the D-Man's house was great. It was a few people with positive energy gathered together for a cause that was not their intimate own but was personally owned by each. How do you know you are loved? When people gather for your happiness, while you are living, is an ultimate show of love and being loved.

So anyway, after a couple (only a couple) of happy punch, I was GREAT! Nuri and Amir came too and enjoyed themselves. Talk about comfortable, Nuri was asleep in front of the fire. AHHHHH! That's when you know you are among goodness. I am thankful for that goodness.

So in comes Gypsy and her cards. Who's ready for a Tarot reading??? ME!!! I had been wanting it for a while, but desired someone who was not in it for the money, but in it for the gift. And then, Gypsy. So although I was a bit afraid, she read me like she worked for the government. She saw my thoughts like she was in my mind. Like she was allowed a sneak peak in my life book.

Everyone who went in came out with a glazed look. Not like that of she did something to me, but that of how did she know? How does she know? When will I know? :) I need her once a quarter! Her being there, me being there, nothings ever a mistake. There are no such things as coincidence.

I am thankful for the message and the messenger.

Old New Look

Apparently the blow dried look is apparently in style forever. I also think I'm cute with my hair anyway...but sexier with the straight hair. With that being said, my hair made me feel better. I know the song says, "I am not my hair", however the way you maintain your mane is an outside reflection of your internal state. I can wet the head and have the afro again, however, if I do not comb the afro, train the afro, mold the afro, then I have a hot mess. If I don't feel that peace within, then I will not have the patience to maintain the afro, because I am not maintaining my mental state. My homie Max said, "you start forgetting yourself
and you become invisible to others and yourself." That is quite true. When you are lost in the sea of your own sameness, you fade in the background surrounding you. Even with a fro that's a greater size than the famous Angela Davis.

So, I changed my game and stepped it up. Then I got the clothes to match the new look. But the first change was in the attitude behind the whole Muri Modification. So anyway...the old/new me.

Getting out of the way

Sometimes we can stand in our own way and not allow the flow of what is really to pass, to come to us. We call ourselves standing steadfast and being a rock, however, there are forces that cause that rock to move, for instance water. In the Midwest, there are stone walls created to make the Mississippi River stay away from the land where people are inhabiting. They are called levees. But when the water gets high enough, when the current gets strong enough, even that stone wall has to give way to the power of that force. We are like that stone wall too. We think we can hold back the forces of change. We love to live in what is known to us, but like all things, the change must come. We must evolve, we must get out of our own way or we can get pushed out, no matter how stubborn we become.

Change can become freeing. Change can bring about a purpose or give us renewed meaning. Change can energize us and cause that energy to be transferred into others. Another word for getting out of your way and letting the change happen is called faith. Faith is not just mere believing that you won't fail, faith is knowing that you will win. Maybe not the win you imagined before you made that first step, but the win that was destined for you before you took your first breath.

PMP

Well I have begun the second part of the process in getting my Project Management Professional Certification from PMI (Project Management Institute). It's going to take time to document all of the projects I've worked on over the years to their specification. At least I have registered with them and have one step to apply to take the exam.

Now...to take the exam. I am studying dilligently for it. This is worse than being in school, because it's not something I find particularly interesting to read. At least when I study history or even in my Business Management classes, I found interest in it. Especially history. Oh well..cry myself a river.

Back to the grind....