There are so many times when we are ashamed of the actions of some in our family. There are times when many wish they were born into another. The trials, happiness and fights in my family have shaped me. There are ties that formed before slavery that were made tighter through the need to find closeness because of the horror of slavery that binds us ever tighter, even when you fight to get loose. I often wondered why seeing the movie "Cry Freedom" effected my emotions and started a yearning to do so much more. Then I found out it's a family trait.
Ladies and Gentlemen...my cousin Robert Williams...
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Breaking it down to forever be broke
I have refused to continue the cycle of thinking...well I can live with it. It's like giving up and accepting defeat when there's no need to do so. So, I let it go.
When you find yourself questiong what you can live with and changing yourself and your thinking to adapt, something's not right. J is and will always be both victim and perpetrator of his behavioral circumstance and I can't take that misery ride with him.
The desire to be loved can not override your God-given common sense. There's not that much promise of what will be in the world. When someone's head movements and hand gestures give you the same feeling as seeing Flav kiss anyone...it's time to roll.
God gave me a way out
and
I
Took
It!
When you find yourself questiong what you can live with and changing yourself and your thinking to adapt, something's not right. J is and will always be both victim and perpetrator of his behavioral circumstance and I can't take that misery ride with him.
The desire to be loved can not override your God-given common sense. There's not that much promise of what will be in the world. When someone's head movements and hand gestures give you the same feeling as seeing Flav kiss anyone...it's time to roll.
God gave me a way out
and
I
Took
It!
Dead Man Dreams
I have had foretelling dreams for years. Dreams about Dead people, Dreams about events, however, this sequence of dreams I can't shake.
It's no suprise that I don't do well with change and especially the change caused by death. I'm not sure if anyone really does. His death really shook me because of the coldness in the killing and the instant of the moment. I never let go of the question, "What did he think when the gun was pointed to the head?"
See my cousin was no angel. He did his share of dirt, but nothing he did could have deserved to die in that way. One gunshot to the head.
But that doesn't tell me why I have been dreaming about him lately. Yes I miss him. Yes I will love him forever. But he's not the only one I miss or love. Saturday night I dreamed he said he wasn't dead but was in Witness Protection. Ok innocent enough. The anniversary of his death was Monday. I didn't have it in my mind though.
Last night I dreamed I was at the funeral. I could see him in the casket. I touched his face. It was warm and soft. I can still feel the touch. I can still see the face.
I miss him greatly...however he can stop haunting if he wants :)
It's no suprise that I don't do well with change and especially the change caused by death. I'm not sure if anyone really does. His death really shook me because of the coldness in the killing and the instant of the moment. I never let go of the question, "What did he think when the gun was pointed to the head?"
See my cousin was no angel. He did his share of dirt, but nothing he did could have deserved to die in that way. One gunshot to the head.
But that doesn't tell me why I have been dreaming about him lately. Yes I miss him. Yes I will love him forever. But he's not the only one I miss or love. Saturday night I dreamed he said he wasn't dead but was in Witness Protection. Ok innocent enough. The anniversary of his death was Monday. I didn't have it in my mind though.
Last night I dreamed I was at the funeral. I could see him in the casket. I touched his face. It was warm and soft. I can still feel the touch. I can still see the face.
I miss him greatly...however he can stop haunting if he wants :)
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Down By Law
That should be my catch phrase.
So yeah wedding plans have halted. Not because I don't want one, but because it's so far away and is such a task. House buying plans are what's on the menu this month. Maybe in October I'll be ready to plan a wedding. Watching HGTV makes me want to plan a house :)
So yeah wedding plans have halted. Not because I don't want one, but because it's so far away and is such a task. House buying plans are what's on the menu this month. Maybe in October I'll be ready to plan a wedding. Watching HGTV makes me want to plan a house :)
