Reading Party

The spirits keep trying to give you a blessing...

Yesterday's gathering at the D-Man's house was great. It was a few people with positive energy gathered together for a cause that was not their intimate own but was personally owned by each. How do you know you are loved? When people gather for your happiness, while you are living, is an ultimate show of love and being loved.

So anyway, after a couple (only a couple) of happy punch, I was GREAT! Nuri and Amir came too and enjoyed themselves. Talk about comfortable, Nuri was asleep in front of the fire. AHHHHH! That's when you know you are among goodness. I am thankful for that goodness.

So in comes Gypsy and her cards. Who's ready for a Tarot reading??? ME!!! I had been wanting it for a while, but desired someone who was not in it for the money, but in it for the gift. And then, Gypsy. So although I was a bit afraid, she read me like she worked for the government. She saw my thoughts like she was in my mind. Like she was allowed a sneak peak in my life book.

Everyone who went in came out with a glazed look. Not like that of she did something to me, but that of how did she know? How does she know? When will I know? :) I need her once a quarter! Her being there, me being there, nothings ever a mistake. There are no such things as coincidence.

I am thankful for the message and the messenger.

Old New Look

Apparently the blow dried look is apparently in style forever. I also think I'm cute with my hair anyway...but sexier with the straight hair. With that being said, my hair made me feel better. I know the song says, "I am not my hair", however the way you maintain your mane is an outside reflection of your internal state. I can wet the head and have the afro again, however, if I do not comb the afro, train the afro, mold the afro, then I have a hot mess. If I don't feel that peace within, then I will not have the patience to maintain the afro, because I am not maintaining my mental state. My homie Max said, "you start forgetting yourself
and you become invisible to others and yourself." That is quite true. When you are lost in the sea of your own sameness, you fade in the background surrounding you. Even with a fro that's a greater size than the famous Angela Davis.

So, I changed my game and stepped it up. Then I got the clothes to match the new look. But the first change was in the attitude behind the whole Muri Modification. So anyway...the old/new me.

Getting out of the way

Sometimes we can stand in our own way and not allow the flow of what is really to pass, to come to us. We call ourselves standing steadfast and being a rock, however, there are forces that cause that rock to move, for instance water. In the Midwest, there are stone walls created to make the Mississippi River stay away from the land where people are inhabiting. They are called levees. But when the water gets high enough, when the current gets strong enough, even that stone wall has to give way to the power of that force. We are like that stone wall too. We think we can hold back the forces of change. We love to live in what is known to us, but like all things, the change must come. We must evolve, we must get out of our own way or we can get pushed out, no matter how stubborn we become.

Change can become freeing. Change can bring about a purpose or give us renewed meaning. Change can energize us and cause that energy to be transferred into others. Another word for getting out of your way and letting the change happen is called faith. Faith is not just mere believing that you won't fail, faith is knowing that you will win. Maybe not the win you imagined before you made that first step, but the win that was destined for you before you took your first breath.

PMP

Well I have begun the second part of the process in getting my Project Management Professional Certification from PMI (Project Management Institute). It's going to take time to document all of the projects I've worked on over the years to their specification. At least I have registered with them and have one step to apply to take the exam.

Now...to take the exam. I am studying dilligently for it. This is worse than being in school, because it's not something I find particularly interesting to read. At least when I study history or even in my Business Management classes, I found interest in it. Especially history. Oh well..cry myself a river.

Back to the grind....

My Family Amazes me

There are so many times when we are ashamed of the actions of some in our family. There are times when many wish they were born into another. The trials, happiness and fights in my family have shaped me. There are ties that formed before slavery that were made tighter through the need to find closeness because of the horror of slavery that binds us ever tighter, even when you fight to get loose. I often wondered why seeing the movie "Cry Freedom" effected my emotions and started a yearning to do so much more. Then I found out it's a family trait.

Ladies and Gentlemen...my cousin Robert Williams...

Breaking it down to forever be broke

I have refused to continue the cycle of thinking...well I can live with it. It's like giving up and accepting defeat when there's no need to do so. So, I let it go.

When you find yourself questiong what you can live with and changing yourself and your thinking to adapt, something's not right. J is and will always be both victim and perpetrator of his behavioral circumstance and I can't take that misery ride with him.

The desire to be loved can not override your God-given common sense. There's not that much promise of what will be in the world. When someone's head movements and hand gestures give you the same feeling as seeing Flav kiss anyone...it's time to roll.

God gave me a way out
and
I
Took
It!

Dead Man Dreams

I have had foretelling dreams for years. Dreams about Dead people, Dreams about events, however, this sequence of dreams I can't shake.

It's no suprise that I don't do well with change and especially the change caused by death. I'm not sure if anyone really does. His death really shook me because of the coldness in the killing and the instant of the moment. I never let go of the question, "What did he think when the gun was pointed to the head?"

See my cousin was no angel. He did his share of dirt, but nothing he did could have deserved to die in that way. One gunshot to the head.

But that doesn't tell me why I have been dreaming about him lately. Yes I miss him. Yes I will love him forever. But he's not the only one I miss or love. Saturday night I dreamed he said he wasn't dead but was in Witness Protection. Ok innocent enough. The anniversary of his death was Monday. I didn't have it in my mind though.

Last night I dreamed I was at the funeral. I could see him in the casket. I touched his face. It was warm and soft. I can still feel the touch. I can still see the face.

I miss him greatly...however he can stop haunting if he wants :)