There are so many times when we are ashamed of the actions of some in our family. There are times when many wish they were born into another. The trials, happiness and fights in my family have shaped me. There are ties that formed before slavery that were made tighter through the need to find closeness because of the horror of slavery that binds us ever tighter, even when you fight to get loose. I often wondered why seeing the movie "Cry Freedom" effected my emotions and started a yearning to do so much more. Then I found out it's a family trait.
Ladies and Gentlemen...my cousin Robert Williams...
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Breaking it down to forever be broke
I have refused to continue the cycle of thinking...well I can live with it. It's like giving up and accepting defeat when there's no need to do so. So, I let it go.
When you find yourself questiong what you can live with and changing yourself and your thinking to adapt, something's not right. J is and will always be both victim and perpetrator of his behavioral circumstance and I can't take that misery ride with him.
The desire to be loved can not override your God-given common sense. There's not that much promise of what will be in the world. When someone's head movements and hand gestures give you the same feeling as seeing Flav kiss anyone...it's time to roll.
God gave me a way out
and
I
Took
It!
When you find yourself questiong what you can live with and changing yourself and your thinking to adapt, something's not right. J is and will always be both victim and perpetrator of his behavioral circumstance and I can't take that misery ride with him.
The desire to be loved can not override your God-given common sense. There's not that much promise of what will be in the world. When someone's head movements and hand gestures give you the same feeling as seeing Flav kiss anyone...it's time to roll.
God gave me a way out
and
I
Took
It!
Dead Man Dreams
I have had foretelling dreams for years. Dreams about Dead people, Dreams about events, however, this sequence of dreams I can't shake.
It's no suprise that I don't do well with change and especially the change caused by death. I'm not sure if anyone really does. His death really shook me because of the coldness in the killing and the instant of the moment. I never let go of the question, "What did he think when the gun was pointed to the head?"
See my cousin was no angel. He did his share of dirt, but nothing he did could have deserved to die in that way. One gunshot to the head.
But that doesn't tell me why I have been dreaming about him lately. Yes I miss him. Yes I will love him forever. But he's not the only one I miss or love. Saturday night I dreamed he said he wasn't dead but was in Witness Protection. Ok innocent enough. The anniversary of his death was Monday. I didn't have it in my mind though.
Last night I dreamed I was at the funeral. I could see him in the casket. I touched his face. It was warm and soft. I can still feel the touch. I can still see the face.
I miss him greatly...however he can stop haunting if he wants :)
It's no suprise that I don't do well with change and especially the change caused by death. I'm not sure if anyone really does. His death really shook me because of the coldness in the killing and the instant of the moment. I never let go of the question, "What did he think when the gun was pointed to the head?"
See my cousin was no angel. He did his share of dirt, but nothing he did could have deserved to die in that way. One gunshot to the head.
But that doesn't tell me why I have been dreaming about him lately. Yes I miss him. Yes I will love him forever. But he's not the only one I miss or love. Saturday night I dreamed he said he wasn't dead but was in Witness Protection. Ok innocent enough. The anniversary of his death was Monday. I didn't have it in my mind though.
Last night I dreamed I was at the funeral. I could see him in the casket. I touched his face. It was warm and soft. I can still feel the touch. I can still see the face.
I miss him greatly...however he can stop haunting if he wants :)
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Down By Law
That should be my catch phrase.
So yeah wedding plans have halted. Not because I don't want one, but because it's so far away and is such a task. House buying plans are what's on the menu this month. Maybe in October I'll be ready to plan a wedding. Watching HGTV makes me want to plan a house :)
So yeah wedding plans have halted. Not because I don't want one, but because it's so far away and is such a task. House buying plans are what's on the menu this month. Maybe in October I'll be ready to plan a wedding. Watching HGTV makes me want to plan a house :)
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Ready to Go home
Done with this day. It’s not that anything major happened. People are just getting on my last nerve today with complaints. Hey if you had a MONTH to try out a new feature, and chose not to, you don’t have a valid complaint when it rolls out.
On a good note, my brother is enrolling in school to get his GED. I’m so proud of him.
Had a talk with Jerome today letting him know that when he's around some of his boys, he changes. Now this is not the first of this kind of conversation. The thing is, he turns into his show personality when he's with them. Well when you are that person, don't communicate with me. I don't deserve that. We'll see what happens. This isn't the first time he said it will change...and it hasn't.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Three Engagements and a Wedding
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Making Nice
So now I'm feeling better. The bank FINALLY gave me my money after I went off on their Customer Service. Dumb Bitch.
Jerry made nice because he knows when Stasha comes...Hell follows. He asked again when Max's party is and said AGAIN that he's sending me to it. BROOKLYNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! He's doing a show in April and using the dough for that for the ticket. Said I deserved the fun with my peoples.
So...he found out Max is a SAG also and is making sure she comes to the party in November. Uhm she was already coming maybe? Cuz...I was gonna make sure she came. However nice to be excited about her coming. FYI...she won't give a shit about his excitement. That's my girl!
Just went to a boring ass PTA meeting. MY GOD...how many power point slides can a person fumble through? On the upside, they fed us some great food and they were not stingy. Nuri is such a girl too. I watched her and her crew giggle, make faces and act extra. It was cute and reminded me of my TWEEN years.
Looks like the book is going to come along. Jerry went to a book signing today and networked with the publisher. She needs the full draft and then she'll take it from there. Good Look Chad on the cards.
Looks like it's going to be a good night.
Jerry made nice because he knows when Stasha comes...Hell follows. He asked again when Max's party is and said AGAIN that he's sending me to it. BROOKLYNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! He's doing a show in April and using the dough for that for the ticket. Said I deserved the fun with my peoples.
So...he found out Max is a SAG also and is making sure she comes to the party in November. Uhm she was already coming maybe? Cuz...I was gonna make sure she came. However nice to be excited about her coming. FYI...she won't give a shit about his excitement. That's my girl!
Just went to a boring ass PTA meeting. MY GOD...how many power point slides can a person fumble through? On the upside, they fed us some great food and they were not stingy. Nuri is such a girl too. I watched her and her crew giggle, make faces and act extra. It was cute and reminded me of my TWEEN years.
Looks like the book is going to come along. Jerry went to a book signing today and networked with the publisher. She needs the full draft and then she'll take it from there. Good Look Chad on the cards.
Looks like it's going to be a good night.
