Getting out of the way

Sometimes we can stand in our own way and not allow the flow of what is really to pass, to come to us. We call ourselves standing steadfast and being a rock, however, there are forces that cause that rock to move, for instance water. In the Midwest, there are stone walls created to make the Mississippi River stay away from the land where people are inhabiting. They are called levees. But when the water gets high enough, when the current gets strong enough, even that stone wall has to give way to the power of that force. We are like that stone wall too. We think we can hold back the forces of change. We love to live in what is known to us, but like all things, the change must come. We must evolve, we must get out of our own way or we can get pushed out, no matter how stubborn we become.

Change can become freeing. Change can bring about a purpose or give us renewed meaning. Change can energize us and cause that energy to be transferred into others. Another word for getting out of your way and letting the change happen is called faith. Faith is not just mere believing that you won't fail, faith is knowing that you will win. Maybe not the win you imagined before you made that first step, but the win that was destined for you before you took your first breath.

PMP

Well I have begun the second part of the process in getting my Project Management Professional Certification from PMI (Project Management Institute). It's going to take time to document all of the projects I've worked on over the years to their specification. At least I have registered with them and have one step to apply to take the exam.

Now...to take the exam. I am studying dilligently for it. This is worse than being in school, because it's not something I find particularly interesting to read. At least when I study history or even in my Business Management classes, I found interest in it. Especially history. Oh well..cry myself a river.

Back to the grind....

My Family Amazes me

There are so many times when we are ashamed of the actions of some in our family. There are times when many wish they were born into another. The trials, happiness and fights in my family have shaped me. There are ties that formed before slavery that were made tighter through the need to find closeness because of the horror of slavery that binds us ever tighter, even when you fight to get loose. I often wondered why seeing the movie "Cry Freedom" effected my emotions and started a yearning to do so much more. Then I found out it's a family trait.

Ladies and Gentlemen...my cousin Robert Williams...

Breaking it down to forever be broke

I have refused to continue the cycle of thinking...well I can live with it. It's like giving up and accepting defeat when there's no need to do so. So, I let it go.

When you find yourself questiong what you can live with and changing yourself and your thinking to adapt, something's not right. J is and will always be both victim and perpetrator of his behavioral circumstance and I can't take that misery ride with him.

The desire to be loved can not override your God-given common sense. There's not that much promise of what will be in the world. When someone's head movements and hand gestures give you the same feeling as seeing Flav kiss anyone...it's time to roll.

God gave me a way out
and
I
Took
It!

Dead Man Dreams

I have had foretelling dreams for years. Dreams about Dead people, Dreams about events, however, this sequence of dreams I can't shake.

It's no suprise that I don't do well with change and especially the change caused by death. I'm not sure if anyone really does. His death really shook me because of the coldness in the killing and the instant of the moment. I never let go of the question, "What did he think when the gun was pointed to the head?"

See my cousin was no angel. He did his share of dirt, but nothing he did could have deserved to die in that way. One gunshot to the head.

But that doesn't tell me why I have been dreaming about him lately. Yes I miss him. Yes I will love him forever. But he's not the only one I miss or love. Saturday night I dreamed he said he wasn't dead but was in Witness Protection. Ok innocent enough. The anniversary of his death was Monday. I didn't have it in my mind though.

Last night I dreamed I was at the funeral. I could see him in the casket. I touched his face. It was warm and soft. I can still feel the touch. I can still see the face.

I miss him greatly...however he can stop haunting if he wants :)

Down By Law

That should be my catch phrase.

So yeah wedding plans have halted. Not because I don't want one, but because it's so far away and is such a task. House buying plans are what's on the menu this month. Maybe in October I'll be ready to plan a wedding. Watching HGTV makes me want to plan a house :)

Ready to Go home

Done with this day. It’s not that anything major happened. People are just getting on my last nerve today with complaints. Hey if you had a MONTH to try out a new feature, and chose not to, you don’t have a valid complaint when it rolls out.

On a good note, my brother is enrolling in school to get his GED. I’m so proud of him.

Had a talk with Jerome today letting him know that when he's around some of his boys, he changes. Now this is not the first of this kind of conversation. The thing is, he turns into his show personality when he's with them. Well when you are that person, don't communicate with me. I don't deserve that. We'll see what happens. This isn't the first time he said it will change...and it hasn't.