Ready to Go home

Done with this day. It’s not that anything major happened. People are just getting on my last nerve today with complaints. Hey if you had a MONTH to try out a new feature, and chose not to, you don’t have a valid complaint when it rolls out.

On a good note, my brother is enrolling in school to get his GED. I’m so proud of him.

Had a talk with Jerome today letting him know that when he's around some of his boys, he changes. Now this is not the first of this kind of conversation. The thing is, he turns into his show personality when he's with them. Well when you are that person, don't communicate with me. I don't deserve that. We'll see what happens. This isn't the first time he said it will change...and it hasn't.

Three Engagements and a Wedding

So B, Nuri, Amir and I went to the bridal store Saturday and tried on dresses.

http://crushontasha.weddingwindow.com/index.html

Making Nice

So now I'm feeling better. The bank FINALLY gave me my money after I went off on their Customer Service. Dumb Bitch.

Jerry made nice because he knows when Stasha comes...Hell follows. He asked again when Max's party is and said AGAIN that he's sending me to it. BROOKLYNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! He's doing a show in April and using the dough for that for the ticket. Said I deserved the fun with my peoples.

So...he found out Max is a SAG also and is making sure she comes to the party in November. Uhm she was already coming maybe? Cuz...I was gonna make sure she came. However nice to be excited about her coming. FYI...she won't give a shit about his excitement. That's my girl!

Just went to a boring ass PTA meeting. MY GOD...how many power point slides can a person fumble through? On the upside, they fed us some great food and they were not stingy. Nuri is such a girl too. I watched her and her crew giggle, make faces and act extra. It was cute and reminded me of my TWEEN years.

Looks like the book is going to come along. Jerry went to a book signing today and networked with the publisher. She needs the full draft and then she'll take it from there. Good Look Chad on the cards.

Looks like it's going to be a good night.

Fall The Fuck Back

When approaching me today, I need people to really think on the matter, make sure it's of importance and that it is presented in the right manner. Basically...I need folks to fall the fuck back.

Is it REALLY that important to bring it to me TODAY? Is it really important for me to act on it TODAY? If not, let's regroup and try on Monday. Why is my mama calling me RIGHT NOW?!?!?! I'm at work...let me have this time.

Anywho. I am for real tired of having to explain, in full force definition, why. If I decide something, no matter how great or small, and I don't offer an explanation, and you ain't paying one of my bills...don't fucking ask me why. Now there are times I choose to offer...voluntarily...however, don't drill me. I'm a grown ass woman. I have two children that I solely take care of.

Let me speak on that. How in the hell do YOU decide when and when you do not have the "extra" funds to take care of your child? No really...when did taking care of your child come out of the "extra" portion of your budget? Is there a manual somewhere that I know nothing about? When did sending a 12 year old 400 motha fuckin dollaz for chirstmas become ok when you have failed to send ANYTHING for his caretaking for 5 to 7 months? And then ask me, did you see what I gave him? The fuck? When did "I thought the money came out of my check" become acceptable? When did "I don't check my pay stubs to see" become the in thing? See those niggaz right there...

And when did I start fucking chicks? No for real. When? How is someone going to start treating me like I cheated on them? I can understand being mad, but being mad enough to just cut a friendship off? For real???? Ya know what, in my twisted mind, then we were never friends to begin with. And I don't really have friends. You are either my sister or my brother. Otherwise you are just somebody I speak to. So for real...if you say fuck it and fuck me...I say fuck it all and add that to "friendship" to the bullshit graveyard and keep it moving. And I don't believe in reincarnation so please...don't come back.

Now on to other mothafuckas friends trying to test me. For real...tell your girl...your boy...wateva..the don't want it with me. They are your friend, not mine so keep that shit between and betwix ya'll. Unless ya'lls convos or outings have something positive that I MAY want to know know about...let me stress may...then keep it with ya'll. I don't give a fuck about them and apparently they don't about me, so keep me out of ya'lls conversations for real. Make our relationship a non-topic. Cuz for real...I'm not the one. Folks hate it when people are actually happy. When they are used to seeing you down, any other type of "mode" they find you in causes uneasyness with them and they can't deal. Fucking tattle-tale, 3rd grade, drama, bitch shit mothafuckaz.

Maybe this weekend will be better.

See this bullshit right here...

Natasha: and i said well don't even worry about it
i think we got a bonus or soemthing
so really she aint speaking to me
ok i'm pissed about that bitch shit
ok i'm done
B: damn
Natasha: and i aint speaking to jerome
cuz that nigga there
B: what nigga?
Natasha: jerome
oh everybody that has pissed me off is a nigga
B: LMAO
Natasha: chicki or dude
B: okay
Natasha: nigga
B: i was confused for a sec
i'm like..wha..
what did he do now?
Natasha: oh his girl
told him about me and busy
about a few weeks ago
ok
sorry i was filling max in on how everybody's a nigga
and she's like holy shit
i hate everyone too
i wanna fight too
B: lol
she stupid
Natasha: she said everybody is stupid fuck today
LMAO!
ok...
so yeah her name is Missy
jerome's friend
anywho
she told him about me and Busy
it's not the fact that she told him
it's how it went down
she asks him about me on the often
she waits until i'm coming up
until she finds out how we are getting closer
to tell him
but she's known for about a year
and felt he should know
WHY THeFUCK
if u felt so strongly he should know
did u not tell him a while ago
so u want some drama?
B: basically
Natasha: dis bitch took off work
drove from Connecticut
to tell him
then the bitch started crying
talkin bout i dn't want u to go back out in the streets
behind this
THE FUCK?
says
"i felt if you found out you would go back out in the streets because you would be so hurt"
THEN...why did u tell him?
B: was her phone broke?
Natasha: she
wanted
drama
then kept asking...what are you going to do?
and he said nothing
i love tasha
we weren't together
B: LOL
Natasha: so she goes
are you sure?
he was like it don't make a difference to me
ok...
fast forward
two weeks...i'm in NYC
he has it on his mind
kept hinting
saying "i haven't been with anybody since i've bene with you"
blah blah blah
"i dont want to know what you did when we weren't together"
well i knew then but i said nothing because he didn't ask and it wasn't his business
aight
fast forward to monday
night
i get the...
i have two questions to ask you and i want to know if you will tell me the truth and promise to answer it
i say...the hell...are we in high school
just ask the damn question
he says it doesn't matter what the answers are because it changes nothing
i say...then why are u asking
that's dumb
B: lol
Natasha: i am such a bitch
anywho...
he asks the first question...i can't even remember what it is
second one was about busy
i said why are u asking me this
he said just wondering
i call bullshit now why are u asking
i said because u asked i will answer
and i told him
i also said it really is none of your business but since someone probably filled your ear with sume bullshit...i told you
so i asked who told him
he told me missy and told me what happened
and that he wanted to ask me while i was in NY but he knew i would go off
GOOD LOOK!
Sent at 10:37 AM on Thursday
Natasha: so fastforward to yesterday
cuz i had time for that shit to sink in
and other stuff to piss me the fuck off
and he tells me...she's just looking out for me
she just loves me
i call bullshit again
i say don't try to make me like her
i don't
i wont
don't ask me to hang out with her. i pass now for future events
he says well i told her what you said and she gives you credit for telling the truth. you actually got her quiet
i said that was supposed to make me feel better
FUCK HER and her credit
i don't give a fuck about her and what she thinks
the fact that she's planting bullshit seeds is what's making me heated
and the fact that you are giving reports to her makes me wanna say fuck you too
i was cussin like a drunken sailor playa
B: LOL
yeah, telling you that he told her
NOT HELPING
Natasha: RIGHT
hahahahahhaa
see u know me
and u know how i was gonna react
so he doesn't understand why i'm pissed at him
i kept trying to say becaue u fed into the bullshit she was brining
B: right
Natasha: the fact that it stayed on your mind even tho u say it "doesn't matter"
it mattered
it mattered enuff for you to report back that i said yes
or as you say i confessed
THE FUCK
what were ya'll trying to test me?
for real?
nigga u dont see me bringing cups and shit to new york for a urine sample
and u testing me
on some shit i did three years ago and we WERENT TOGETHER
and he aint one of your boys at all...matter of fact u haven't had a decent convo with this dude in 20years
he was like i love you tasha and u are letting this push you away from me
i said u should have kept it
if it didn't matter
he said well i felt u needed to clear your conscious and the air
MY conscious and air were VERY CLEAR
the fuck u think u dealing with?
i aint her
that chick
so basically
i got off the phone
aint talked to him since
betwix him, my mama, vic's bullshit, antwon (wayne) and work...
i need a vacation
ok my rant is done
i may blog the rant
B: you should
it's cathartic.

Glasses and a Girlfriend!

B S is online.
Natasha: mornin
B: suuuuuuuuuuuuuups
Natasha: my two blind chirrunz
Sent at 9:28 AM on Friday
B: did nuri pick hers out?
Natasha: yes
they are hanna montana
B: wow
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Natasha: purple even
Sent at 9:35 AM on Friday
Natasha: u like nuri's glasses?
B: i think they are too thick for her face
Natasha: mine are almost like them
B: I WANNA SEE
do you have them on now?
Natasha: soon as i get them
no they aren't ready
B: oh ok
Natasha: i got transisitions lenses
that child LOVES her glasses
i'm like u can take them off
to sleep
B: lol
Natasha: amir has a girlfriend
did i already tell u
B: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
really?
Natasha: yeah
B: what's her name?
Natasha: i forgot to ask
LMAO
he goes..i hope she still likes me with glasses
Sent at 9:54 AM on Friday
B: imma need u to ask
i wanna meet her
Natasha: LMAO!
Sent at 9:57 AM on Friday
B: do you at least know the nationality?
Natasha: black
i think there are like 6 white people at his school.
none in his classes
B: ol
lol*
Natasha: LMAO
i know
B: how long dey been together?
Natasha: since 7th period yesterday
B: LOL!!!
i'm literally rollin
Natasha: LOL!
hahahahah
they started dating in 5th period
and became official by 7th
DO U KNOW how much I wanted to laugh?
B: dawg
i'm glad you told me now
adn he didn't tell me
Natasha: LMAO!
i made sure his fro was tight
he had his glasses cleaner cloth...that ironically matches the colors he has on today...green
he had is breath stuff
he had is carmax
and i brought my personal pic
B: NOT THE CARMAX!!!
faints
Natasha: YES
lips have to be moist
never ashey
B: this is too much
Natasha: he cleaned his shoes
his nikes
and i gave him ten dollaz for the dance to buy her a snack too
B: awwwww
Natasha: i'll keep u posted
B: i'm like so excitee
Natasha: i showed him how to put numbas in his phone
so he can get hers
B: HAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Natasha: made sure he took his phone
cuz he has to call and as her parents if she can get phone calls
cuz u know
some parents arent down with that
mine wasn't
B: yeah
do mind if i tell like.....
everyone i know?
THIS IS THE CUTEST THING EVER!
Natasha: LMAO
sure
it was all thru notes
she had their mutual friend
send a note to amir
saying do you like the girl sitting behind me
he wrote yes
next note do u think she's cute
B: OMG!!!!
AHAHAHAHAHAHA
Natasha: yes
ok now move to 6th period
would u like to go with her
sure
7th period they had to share books...
do you want to switch seats with me so u can share a book with your girlfriend?
blush
This afternoon they will dance!
B: it's like a fairy tale!
Natasha: YES!
a 7th grade fairytale
and then
end of the day yesterday...he calls his mom to tell her the news...THAD BE ME!
this is going on my blog
B: PLEASE MAKE IT A BLOG
he's getting more action than me
and i'm totally happy for him!

The Focus Can't Be On Me

Everyday life has a chance to send you to a curve in the road that you didn’t know was there. Today was my chance. How do you handle a situation where you are the protected, but one of those you have vowed to protect with your life is hurt? How do you forgive yourself for allowing someone to slip through your tight grip you thought you had? But the focus now can’t be on me. It has to be on the one I love.

The lioness in me wants to take action. Not the kind of action that is coupled with love, but the action that serves as a pre-requisite to a life sentence. No one knows how you will react until you get this situation, this demon, this humanly inconceivable thing placed in front of them. Then and only then can you rely upon your upbringing, your common sense, your human sense and your God.

A minister was asked the question, what is love? His answer was Love is God and God is Love. The is can be represented mathematically with an equal sign (=). Right now, the emotion I am feeling is Hate. So I = Hate, but I do not want to run the chance of Hate = Me. It’s easy to be consumed in your emotions. But again…the focus can’t be on me. It has to be on the one I love.

To Be Continued…